"What does virginity mean to a queer person, who may never have vaginal intercourse in her/his/hir life? What of a lesbian who chooses to never engage in any sort of penetrative sex act her entire life, does she remain some sort of super, extra virgin? If a straight man receives a blowjob, he will in all likelihood still consider himself a virgin, but a gay man receiving a blowjob may have a more complicated understanding of what it means for his sex life. In many ways, our conception of “virginity” erases or invalidates queer sex."
"I think about your thighs,” she wrote in the second letter, “and the warm, moist smell of your skin in the morning, and the tiny eyelash in each corner of your eye that I always notice when you first roll over to look at me. I don’t know why you are better and more beautiful than anybody else. I don’t know why your body is something I can’t stop thinking about, why those little flaws and ridges on your back are lovely to me or why the pale soft bottoms of your New Jersey feet that always wore shoes are more poignant than any other feet, but they are. I thought I would have more time to chart your body, to map its poles, its contours and terrains, its inner regions, both temperate and torrid - a whole topography of skin and muscle and bone. I didn’t tell you, but I imagined a lifetime as your cartographer, years of exploration and discovery that would keep changing the look of my map. It would always need to be redrawn and reconfigured to keep up with you. I’m sure I’ve missed things, Bill, or forgotten them, because half the time I’ve been wandering around your body blind drunk with happiness. There are still places I haven’t seen."
"On too many occasions, gay men and women of color have been told not to muddy the waters of the primary goal by bringing in concerns that might be addressed elsewhere. When mainstream gay organizations actually address issues of race, gay white men and women continue to set the agenda for what is and is not considered appropriation for discussion. During one community forum on race, the organizers, again an overwhelmingly white bunch, informed the audience that we would not actually talk about racism, as ‘everyone is capable of racism’.
With one sweeping generalization, this group of white men trivialized the everyday experiences of the men, and a few women, of color in the audience by denying our personal experiences and by turning the accusations back on us. It’s a funny feeling to sit in an audience as an Asian gay man and watch as middle-class white men claim victimhood in racist America. Ultimately, isn’t that what their claim that ‘everyone is capable of racism’ boils down to? Isn’t what they’re really saying that they are also victims of racism?"
"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."
"Only trust someone who can see these three things in you: The sorrow behind your smile, the love behind your anger, and the reason behind your silence."
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."
You think because he doesn’t love you that you are worthless. You think that because he doesn’t want you anymore that he is right — that his judgement and opinion of you are correct. If he throws you out, then you are garbage. You think he belongs to you because you want to belong to him. Don’t. It’s a bad word, ‘belong.’ Especially when you put it with somebody you love.
Love shouldn’t be like that. Did you ever see the way the clouds love a mountain? They circle all around it; sometimes you can’t even see the mountain for the clouds. But you know what? You go up top and what do you see? His head. The clouds never cover the head. His head pokes through, because the clouds let him; they don’t wrap him up. They let him keep his head up high, free, with nothing to hide him or bind him.
You can’t own a human being. You can’t lose what you don’t own. Suppose you did own him. Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you? You really want somebody like that? Somebody who falls apart when you walk out the door? You don’t, do you? And neither does he.
You’re turning over your whole life to him. Your whole life, girl. And if it means so little to you that you can just give it away, hand it to him, then why should it mean any more to him? He can’t value you more than you value yourself.
"All women dream of meeting a partner who will like our bodies as they are. We long for partners who will offer affirmation and unconditional acceptance, particularly if we have never been affirmed or were affirmed only as children in our families of origin. We long for acceptance of our physical beings, to be admired as we are, even as we withhold affirmation from ourselves. This is the worst form of self-sabotage. We can “start where we are” by offering ourselves that gaze of approval we long to see in the eyes of someone else. The more we love our flesh, the more others will delight in its bounty. As we love the female body, we are able to let it be the ground on which we build a deeper relationship to ourselves—a loving relationship uniting mind, body, and spirit."
bell hooks, communion, “Ch. 8 “Growing into a Woman’s Body” (this chapter includes rethinking negative attitudes about weight and menstruation, striving for better health, allowing beauty to follow—“We cannot negate our bodies and love them [simultaneously].”)
Thank you, bell. Future husband best realize this.
"Language is powerful, and even those of use who don’t chose the bisexual label have a responsibility to ensure that the world is safe for those who do. One way to accomplish that goal is to practice saying the word “bisexual.” Say it again, “bisexual.” Paint it on the walls; wear it on a t-shirt. Write it in toothpaste on your bathroom mirror; notice it as you stare at your beautiful self. Bisexual. Say it louder; say it in public; say it to someone who might not be comfortable hearing it. Let them begin to get over their discomfort. Begin to get over your own. Ask yourself: what is it about that would that is so frightening to people? How can we lower the fear content, undo the negative associations, create new meaning, open possibilities?"
Bisexual Politics: Theories, Queries, & Visions. Edited by Naomi Tucker. (via bifurious)